Christmas 2017

Merry Christmas from sunny Melbourne! Where the only sign of snow is on tv shows...
While most homes were filled with joy & laughter, of excited children rushing out of bed to see what's under the tree... my home is quiet. The sounds of birds chirping outside, and tv occasionally break the silence.

I haven't blogged about this before... but this is how we've rolled for 9 years... just the 2 of us. The first part of those 9 years was ok. We weren't really bothered by the quietness... but this is our 4th Christmas, wondering if it will be last one with just the 2 of us... because the quietness of our home is not our choice. While we are surrounded by friends & family with children...we are left wondering when our turn will come... the journey we've been travelling these last 4 years is not one for the weak... and there are so many others, silently travelling on this same journey... So. Many.

So, again I ask if this is the last one... and place my trust in my creator... who has given us a promise... but not a time.

If you're a fellow traveller on the unexplained infertility journey, know you're not alone. We'll keep pushing on. Maybe this time next year will be different... only God knows...

2017... peace amidst the storms.

I keep hearing the prompts to reignite the flame of my writing... however... I haven't allowed the fuel to perform it's job... partly due to busyness & partly simple laziness... & then there is the sense of protecting those I love... which stops me in my tracks..

This time last year, I was hopeful that the tragedies & traumas of 2016 were behind us... then after Christmas we were given the devastating news that a beloved family member had been diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease (MND). So 2017 has been a new journey... This Christmas will be the first year without 3 family members who passed away in 2016... and also the one year mark of the diagnosis.

After 19 years' experience working in the disability field, I found myself in an unfamiliar place. I learned what it was like to cross over from Carer to Family Member.
As a carer, I worked in many places, including homes for people with mid and end stage Huntington's Disease, & individuals with Multiple Sclerosis. I spent 8 years working 1:1 with an amazing man who has an undiagnosed regressive condition- my heart broke when he rapidly lost control of his body... I would go home and cry... he has the most amazing, positive attitude.

In the homes, I was able to care for the individuals, then go home without a significant attachment. I would wonder how the families coped, seeing their family members "disappearing". It was hard to see, but I was not one of them.
Until a year ago.
I crossed over from carer to family member. No experience prepares you for the heartbreak of your loved one's diagnosis... experience HAS helped me to understand the medical side of what they're going through, and to feel peaceful in knowing which stage they are at. But it's so hard to see the disease progress. It feels so unfair. Even if "the rain falls on the just and the unjust" (Matt. 5:45). Sometimes I wish it didn't rain at all...

So that is one big part of our journey through 2017.
There is so much I could write, but I will leave it here.

There are other, more personal parts of the journey that can wait for another day....