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Wednesday 1 January 2020

Reflections on 2019

I wrote this on my Facebook page yesterday, New Year's Eve:

"2019... you have been one bumpy ride! But no path worth travelling is simple. There have been many unexpected bumps, potholes and detours on the road this year...but many of us have just kept travelling. Trusting the path... trusting that no setback would be too hard... and choosing to move forward. So here we are...at the end of 2019, and we can smile that we made it! We survived the bumpy ride, and whatever is on the other side of the door (2020) is a fresh, new page of a new chapter. Stay strong, and don't lose hope. This bumpy ride prepared us for greater things!"

2019 was a big year! A year where God's peace & joy we're proven many times in my heart. Where I found myself facing unexpected challenges that could have turned my world upside down...or given me the strength to keep walking along the bumpy path with a smile on my face and peace in my heart.
I chose the latter. Despite the trials, I can joyfully say God has me in the palm of His hand. He only wants the best for me and my family...and no matter what, He supplies all my needs. 2019 tested that belief, and only made my faith increase.

I learned what it is like to fully trust God with my finances. I faced the possibility of being made redundant. I knew in my heart that whatever the result, I would be ok. As challenging and unsettling as it was, I maintained peace in my heart. The morning of our individual meetings to tell us if we still had our jobs, and if our hours would be changed... I took the train and enjoyed the walk  to work. My heart was peaceful and hopeful. I saw a rainbow as I was nearing work. That was God's still, small voice saying, "I have you covered".
I still have a job, but lost a significant amount of hours... But seeing how things have turned out, I know God knew the best outcome for me, even if it was initially disappointing. I can still cover my bills, and have the opportunity to make up hours when available. So, it turned out ok.

2019 was also a milestone year for me. I turned 40. I still don't know how 40 is supposed to feel, but I'm sure it's not how I feel! People can't believe my age, which is nice.  Life has not gone the way I expected. I never thought I'd be childless at 40. The Bible says, in his heart man plans his steps, but it's the Lord's plan that prevails. 2019 certainly proved that.

This is more of a highlight reel of the many challenges faced during the year. There were many things that unsuccessfully tried to steal my joy. Many times I felt mentally and physically exhausted...but I always saw a rainbow when I needed reassurance and hope. 

There was a period of withdrawal. I lost interest in things I previously enjoyed...struggled to reply to messages and emails... I didn't realise the significance of my behaviour until my naturopath labelled it. She turned on the lightbulb of realisation. There were times I just couldn't understand my own behaviour... The fatigue that was unrelated to previously medically diagnosed fatigue. 2019 gave me experiences of being human in ways I previously never knew.

2019 was a year of testing and growth. A bumpy road, but a road worth travelling. The end of a decade.

I know that whatever 2020 holds, there will always be a rainbow when I need one...I will always be surrounded by love, and God will supply all my needs.
I am hopeful of promises coming to pass....to experience the "double portion blessings" related to "2020".

Goodbye Chapter 2019... Hello new chapter 2020!