I only look back when I want to see how far I have come. I never stay in the past, because that belongs in the past! I'm not that person any more :) I've closed the doors to past journeys...now I look through the windows when I want to compare and reflect. I don't look long because I'm not that person any more. I can now see where I have been through each phase of breaking out of the cocoon.
I was recently reminded (by somebody who has no idea!) of where I was 10-12 years ago. I found myself at the bottom of a pit. I didn't know how I ended up in a position where I could be pushed, but I was pushed. If I had any idea that I was walking too close to the edge, I would have walked away. But I was not given that chance. Instead, I found myself pushed into a place I did not want to be.
That brought me on a detour in my journey, but looking back, it was kind of a blessing because I grew as a person. Instead of being angry at God, I drew closer to him. I gained more life experience, was able to relate to others better...was able to experience JOY in a new light. What tried to destroy me, only made me stronger.
So, now as I look back to that door, I have no feelings towards it. I have no intention of returning. In fact, I handed over that key to God long ago. The only way for that door to open is if HE wills it open. So I trust in His wisdom. Believe me, there have been many times I've looked through the window near that door, or had 'slips of paper' pushed under the door...and I've wanted to open it just a crack...but I knew that was wrong. God has allowed me to see glimpses through the window, and I am encouraged that there seems to be life on the other side. I hope that window always shows good things. But, I don't need to see through it. There is a different journey on the other side of that door. It is not my journey, so I don't need to be concerned by it.
Now I'm looking towards a new future...one of pushing through this current cocoon...and finding the answers to the many questions I have...I feel as though there is a new door for me, but I am not yet ready to see it. When it does come, I will know :) I'll "keep pressing towards the goal that lies before me.." (whatever that goal is!)