Keep Going! 🔥

 This month, instead of trying to untangle the spaghetti strands of thoughts in my head, I'll leave you with this encouraging quote from Facebook 🦋

Mother's Day Tribute

I wrote this in 2019. My beautiful pastor at the time asked me to give a presentation to the church on Mother's Day. She read aloud the following on my behalf, as I felt the loss of my Mother-in-law was still too raw.

I could so easily edit & 'improve' my writing, however, as with my creative stories, I choose to leave it unedited, true to the time it was written.

🦋 On this Mother’s Day I feel blessed to have 2 strong women of faith in my life, who I call mum. 

My 1st mum is the eldest of 10 children born to Italian migrants. Her life experiences have both intrigued and inspired me. Growing up, we always had everything we needed, but not everything we wanted. It wasn’t until I was older, that I understood just how poor we were, and how much my amazing parents did for my siblings and I.  Not once did we feel poor. We understood we couldn’t afford everything, but hearing mum talk about times she saved up 5 and 10 cent coins to buy milk and bread, really surprised me, and gave me a greater appreciation for her.

My mum has always been there for me. People have told me I am very much like her - which I don’t take lightly. I feel that if I could be even just half of what she is, I am blessed. People have called her an iron fist in a satin glove. She is loving and kind, but very strong. I often look up to her strength.

She gave birth naturally to fraternal twins, something uncommon these days. Being the eldest of 3, I was often given more responsibility - when I complained, she would say, “You will be blessed”. I began to understand that it was more about reliability. She knew I would be the one to follow through with her requests. She was equipping me for a life of independence. So yes, I was blessed.

My mum was the catalyst for my whole family finding Jesus. Through her life stories, I can see that God has always had a hand on her life. She did the searching and found Jesus – then we followed. He has had his hand of protection on her all through her life.

My mum has such a heart full of love. Growing up, we would often find kids at our house, because they loved our mum. She made them feel valued. She left seeds of love in their hearts, even if she didn’t necessarily like their behavior. Their tender hearts received a love only Jesus could offer, and they found themselves drawn to that through my mum. I’ve lost touch with many of these friends, but even as young adults, they would tell me how much my mum helped them as children, just by loving them when other people rejected them. I felt proud to call her MY mum.

Now, I see her sprinkle those seeds of love in her grandchildren. I love to see the 5 of them all hoping to be the first to hug their nonna. They can’t run fast enough into her arms. I am looking forward to more grandchildren running into her lap – in God’s perfect timing.


My 2nd mum, my mum-in-love, was called home to heaven 14 months ago. This is our 2nd Mothers Day without her. As much as we miss her, we rejoice because there is no doubt she is with Jesus. She lost her battle with Motor Neurone Disease after a triumphant fight.
Just like my 1st mum, my mum-in-love was full of love. Nobody could leave her presence without feeling God’s love. She didn’t give birth to me, but she loved me as if she did, and I loved her in the same way. Unlike my 1st mum, my mum-in-love came from a strong protestant Christian heritage.

I could not have asked for a better 2nd mum. I thanked God for her daily. When others complained about their in-laws, I thanked God for the huge blessing mine was. She was another iron fist in a satin glove. Because she lived in NSW, we mostly talked over the phone or via Skype. We would often text small messages to each other. I loved sharing news with her. She encouraged me in my faith, and life in general. We could talk about the bible and personal things. She understood some of my hardest battles in ways many others couldn’t. She had an amazing strength. Her faith was strong, no matter what was going on around her. When she had every right to complain, she instead sowed seeds of grace and dignity. This is something I often remind myself – when I am inclined to complain, I remember her example. I can’t say I have reached her level, but I try.

She had an amazing sense of humour – which I often see in [my husband]. They had a special bond I loved to see. There is something so precious in seeing your husband and his mum bonding, enjoying each other’s company. There is no doubt she invested in her 2 sons – love, faith and strength. Through my husband, I can see the immense love I felt from my mum-in-love was only a portion of what her sons felt for her during her lifetime. So, even though she wasn’t in my life as long as I’d hoped, she left a huge impact on me and my heart. I feel privileged to call her mum. Again, when people tell me about how much she has impacted their lives, I feel proud to be able to call her mum. 🦋©️

Set Apart

 

Romans 12:2 - Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

This month, I haven't spent much time thinking about writing, but have continued to be "snap happy" - stopping and taking photos, here, there and everywhere! Nature speaks to me. People who know me well, know that at any moment, I could stop suddenly, or backtrack, get out my phone and take a photo! Sometimes I laugh at myself. People must think I'm strange! I wonder if somebody is watching me, wondering what the heck I'm taking a photo of! But...the photo moment is worth it. I love when I witness somebody else doing the same! There's something in the MOMENT. There are many times where I miss the moment... either by over-thinking about whether I should take a photo, or I'm not quick enough with the camera. I try to capture the moment before thinking too much! 

Have you ever been amused by somebody taking a photo? Next time, may I suggest you take a look and try to capture the moment too. Or even ask them what has caught their attention. You may be surprised by what you see, sense and feel in that moment. 

I am also learning to be unafraid to be me. To take photos without feeling shy or insecure. To be bold. To not regret a moment due to fear of man.  

The above photo was taken yesterday, on my walk home from the train. I actually backtracked. People probably saw me, and I'm probably on camera. So what? 😅 I just loved the brightness of that lone autumn leaf, among the dull, dry eucalyptus leaves. It reminded me of how I have been feeling lately. 

Since attending the Seers & Dreamers Gathering in Perth, I have been feeling "brighter", more confident and self-assured. I've been feeling set apart in a deeper level... like that bright autumn leaf. It stands out...it didn't choose to stand out, but it was created to stand out. To reach that beautiful, deep crimson colour, took a process. A journey. Without this journey, I would not have noticed it. I wouldn't be able to share it with you. 

Years ago, I would have felt very insecure to be that leaf. I didn't want to be seen. I didn't want to be hurt. I just wanted to blend in. In my 20s (20yrs ago 🤭), I went through some amazing deep, inner healing that helped me break that mindset. 

Fast forward to today...after years of trying to blend in... I have purple hair. I make an effort with my appearance. I love dresses and nice shoes. (About 15yrs ago, I was a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant. Selling is not my passion, so I left that role after a few years). I'm no longer afraid to be noticed. I can't be hurt if I am self-assured. The enemy tried to pull me down, but I have come out much, much stronger. I know who, and whose I am! And so does the enemy!! I'm sure he regrets messing with me! 

Yes, recently I have been feeling set apart. It's not always nice to feel different. However, I'm not afraid to be different. I am clearly aware that my mindset and belief system differs to those of many around me. It can be lonely at times... but I know I have been transformed, with a renewed mind...and there is no way, despite the loneliness, that I will turn back! I was not designed to be a dried up eucalyptus leaf. Even if I could blend in, why would I want to. I've come too far to blend in. ©️😅🦋

Creative Story #1

I've felt the undeniable prompt(s!) to begin sharing my creative writing... stories I wrote as I was processing and overcoming trauma. These stories are precious to me, because they were written from a raw place of my heart, and brought the emotional healing I needed. They are from a season of my life many chapters ago. I no longer relate to the writer, as she was left behind, as a caterpillar in a cocoon. The caterpillar wrote these stories. The butterfly is sharing them.

I'm not yet ready to publicly tell my story, however I will begin with a creative story I've shared with friends. This story has helped friends process their own traumas, so I know my creative writing is a tool for healing. God has been prompting me for a long time to share my stories... but because they are precious to me, I hesitated. I've shared them with friends, but never in a public space. I hope they bless you 🦋

The Two Sides of the Glass Mirror Wall 

  There was once a young girl who had so many desires and dreams…but she also had a lot of inhibitions and fears. She was standing in front of a huge mirror – like a huge wall she couldn’t pass. She could see her destiny and dreams on the other side, but knew it would take great courage to live them. The only way she knew how to cross to the other side would be to shatter the mirror… She also knew that she would be cut by the glass…but that was the only way.

As she lived each day, yearning to be on the other side, she built up her courage and tried to expose her vulnerabilities to herself. In seeing them, she tried to understand and deal with them. This was also a part of her shattering the glass. She could see what she wanted. The more she saw she was missing, the more she desired it. She could see those bear hugs and gentle security in the arms of her ‘prince’, but she also knew it didn’t matter how much she desired these things, she must shatter the wall. And only she could do it.

She felt like her future was staring at her. She knew she could be there…if she had enough courage to leave the lonely comfort zone she found herself in. Yes, the glass may cut her, but cuts heal…and on the other side, she would be cared about. The cuts wouldn’t matter…In fact, the cuts may even increase the love awaiting her on the other side. She knew she had unconsciously “switched off” part of her thoughts/feelings relating to that prince. She had not allowed herself to feel what most people would feel. She felt it was a coping mechanism….that wouldn’t get her hurt. If she didn’t feel she wouldn’t hurt. But now she has begun to discover what she subconsciously hid from herself. She had cut off her ability to properly ‘feel’. She wanted to…she knew she wasn’t normal, but she wasn’t sure how to be normal. She could see how her own actions had hindered her ability to feel, and so she understood how she found herself staring at the glass wall…the wall she herself had subconsciously erected. And now, she knew, she must knock it down. 

It had held her captive, and she no longer wanted to be that prisoner. She wanted to punch the wall…to experience that pure, gentle love awaiting her on the other side. The one that knew she was captive, but was willing to wait for her to have the courage to come to him. He was just waiting…knowingly… and patiently for the day his princess would finally run into his arms, no longer held back by the glass… It may even be that the shards of glass will fall all over her…arms, head, chest…and she may require some TLC once the wall is gone…but the sheer fact she has made it to the other side should be enough to encourage her.
The love awaiting her will tend to her needs and help her to heal…and she will. The shards of glass will only be temporary reminders of what she has come from….the cuts will fade in time. She knows once on the other side, she won’t want to turn back. She’ll feel the normal feelings of a normal person, and she won’t feel bad for feeling normal. Gradually, all the feelings she has denied herself will be released and not be discouraged. She won’t have to feel so self protective, and she will freely love and allow herself to be loved in return. 🦋©️

Perceptions of Angels

 

Recently, I was browsing through a store, when I came across this car ornament - a bobble-head angel. Most people would probably think, "Oh, how cute!" Not me... I thought, "That's ridiculous!" 🤣 Yes, it does look cute, however for me, as a prophetic intercessor... it just felt wrong! The thought of an angel just "sitting pretty", hands folded in prayer felt ridiculous... because in my world, angels are not simply pretty. The angels in my world are always active! They don't have time to be cute and pretty.

In my world, I often sense their presence. Sometimes it's simply a feeling, other times I see a shape or shadow. Occasionally I see a physical manifestation, such as a flash of light under a door, or feathers drop around me. I am aware that angels are always around me. 

If they are ever sitting quietly, they are still on alert. They may be waiting for an assignment or a marching order, or they may be watching as protectors, but they are never idle.  

I see them on my car when I'm driving, waiting at the gate to greet me at work, and around others. I see them dancing during church worship. Last week, during the Seers & Dreamers Gathering (SDG), I saw some sitting on a platform, above the worship team, swinging their legs joyfully, participating in the worship. 

Also at the SDG, while we were preparing for the Prophetic Appointments, our team was in a circle, worshiping, and I saw an angel draw oil from a well in the centre of the room. It drew one cup for every person, and individually poured the cup of oil over our heads. It was beautiful. What came after that, during the prophetic time was simply amazing and beautiful. God had so much to say to His precious children, and it was an honour to be part of the team giving to others. 

To me, if not already active, angels are always waiting for their next order/assignment. They need our prayers to set them in motion. When we pray to God (never to an angel!), He gives the orders and gets them moving. It is not our job to speak to angels. We can acknowlege them, but we are not to enter that spirit realm of interacting with them (eg, meditation, astro travel). Instead, we are to speak to, and worship God (Revelation 22:9).

Examples of active angels I have sensed, or prayed for God to activate, are Warring angels, Ministering angels, and Healing angels. As a prophetic intercessor, life is never boring! There are always spiritual battles to deal with, and often the angels take charge of the fighting. My prayers set them to action, but I don't give the orders - God does. Ministering angels are the peace bringers- when somebody is unwell, struggling, or even dying, we pray for God to send His Ministering angels to bring comfort and peace. Healing angels work in a similar manner. 

A few years ago, I had a car accident. While I was sitting stationary at a red light, I was hit from behind by a cement truck (empty of cement 😌) at 60 km per hour. The driver was not paying attention. There were other cars stopped in front of me. No other cars were hit....the only logical explanation for that...was there was no logical explanation! It was clear an angel had intervened as a buffer between my car and the one in front. Logically, my car should have been pushed into the car in front. The impact pushed my car forward, but hit nothing. We only experienced minor injuries, but lost the car. Protecting angels were on assignment that day! I was upset about my car, but cars can be replaced. I was in awe of the protection we experienced!

As you can see, my experience with angels is not represented by that cute bobble-head. If you haven't experienced the reality of angels, I pray God opens your spiritual eyes... they are not to be feared, but bring a sense of peace and joy. 

On a final note, always test the spirits. If you feel uneasy, it's probably not an angel, but a demon pretending to be an angel.

If you have been engaging with 'angels'- eg speaking with your "guardian angel" through meditation, or used things such as Tarot cards, etc, I pray your eyes are opened to the dangers of this. I also highly recommend googling Kristine McGuire and hearing/reading her testimony. She is a former medium who engaged in these spiritual activities & explains the impact, enticement and how demons work through these practices (and how to stop it). She is now a prophetic intercessor. 

Be blessed! 🦋©️

1 John 4: Do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into ĺthe world. but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. 

My Nonna

This month, as I am again reminded of Cherry Blossoms... almost 1 year since my Nonna's passing, I would like to honour her and tell you about this amazing woman I called Nonna. (Although Cherry Blossoms remind me of Nonna, she was always surrounded by Deep Pink Geraniums). 

Nonna was a young bride-to-be who, in the early 1950s, travelled on a ship from Northern Italy (Giavara) to Melbourne, Australia. My Nonno migrated a year earlier and set up a life here, in preparation of the arrival of his future bride. They were married a day after her arrival. Nonna was a seamstress, so made her own wedding dress. Unfortunately, her dress was sent on a different ship, and did not arrive in time - so she borrowed a dress. To this day, (to my knowledge) her wedding dress has not been worn. My sister and I often wore dresses made by Nonna.

My Nonna and Nonno (Nonni) were devout catholics. They brought up 10 children. My mum was the first child, and I was the 2nd grandchild. I grew up when my Nonni ran, and lived in a corner milk bar in the western suburbs. I have great childhood memories of this time... often visiting when the shop was filled with children from the catholic school across the road.

I remember seeing freshly made spaghetti drying/hanging along the hallway, in a straight line, on broom handles. I also remember using their "Outhouse", which was dark, and I always hoped I didn't see spiders. I remember when they renovated their bathroom to include a toilet. We were all excited! 

Our family gatherings (Christmas, Easter, Mothers/Fathers Day, etc) were often in the large lounge, or even in the actual shop front. As the family grew, they had long tables in the garage. I remember, one Christmas Day, sitting at tables in the shop front- a man kept tapping on the window because he needed milk! 

Nonna took pride in her cooking, and catering for her large family. Nobody made roast chicken maryland or potatoes like her! We loved being chosen to go to the shop fridge and pick out a soft drink (soda). My 2 siblings & I always chose sarsaparilla- to many adults' disgust! Haha! 

A family favourite was her Tuna Pasta- often cooked for individual visits, and ALWAYS enough to take some home. 

My Nonni retired & moved to Queensland for a few years, then returned close to Melbourne. This time, in the outer suburbs. The 2nd generation of grandchildren only know this part of their lives. We of the 1st generation remember our Nonno being stressed due to his business, while the 2nd generation only knew a more relaxed, retired Nonno.

Family lunches always began with mushroom risotto & ravioli in brodo (broth). A while later, a feast was set, including roast chicken maryland, roast potatoes, various vegetables & salads...and her precious stuffed mushrooms ,(which I didn't eat!). Then... desserts, including her famous Tiramisu, fruit & other sweets... and then...coffee. Oh, and her paper thin crostoli! My favourite. She would often make it just because she knew I loved it. Nobody, apart from my brother makes crostoli like Nonna! 

Growing up, we took all of this for granted. Now she's gone, the memories are truly precious. 

Nonna's faith was strong, like her personality. She was devout and stubborn. We often did not agree on faith - as my parents left the catholic church and brought us up protestant. My Nonno was more accepting- he would point his finger to heaven & say to me, "I see God looks after you". Despite these differences, I know Nonna loved me dearly. She quietly had my back in life's circumstances.

From an Intercessor's perspective, Nonna was a hard egg to crack! I spent 30+ years praying for her! As I grew older, and my intercession and prophetic gifts became stronger, the burdens to pray increased. God often showed me images of her as a child sitting in His lap. He consistently showed me He had her. It didn't look that way, but I trusted Him. While she was praying I would see the light, I was declaring her salvation. The enemy knew me well, and he had no problem letting me know. Neither did I have a problem activating my spiritual authority.  

A few months before she contracted covid, God showed me a picture of a glass jug. It was full of little papers, like you would place in a Thankfulness Jar. It represented all the prayers from everybody who had been praying for her over the decades. He then said, "I have all need. Now watch me work!" I can't explain how my spirit felt by those words... it was a promise and a challenge- to let go and let God. 

Fast forward to June 26, 2022. That night I had arranged with my parents to visit Nonna in palliative care, the following morning. I had the urge to search Youtube for Italian worship music, to play during our visit. As I listened, my spirit stirred. Something big was happening, and I just couldn't stop streaming these powerful worship songs. My spirit wanted to  keep going, but my mind told me to go to bed, because I needed to get up early. 

God reminded me of another vision - the rock with dripping water. It appeared the water (prayers) would not affect the rock, but over time, the persistent dripping would eventually corrode/break down the rock. That night, God showed me the rock broken in half! What an amazing vision to go to sleep with. 

Well, June 27th 2022 was the day my Nonna went to be with Jesus. She was 97 years old! I had such a peaceful sleep that night.... and awoke to a text message with the news she had passed away in the early hours of the morning. My plans to visit were cancelled. Although I was sad I didn't get to see her, I also realised that God had used me the night before. The battle had finally been won! I felt peace in knowing I had done far more for her, spiritually than I could have done physically. The peace was deep, supernatural peace. 

I must acknowledge there were a few other family members who also engaged in the battle for her soul. It was a team effort. We had our individual assignments. I can only share my own experiences. I do know, during the funeral, we, the intercessors all shared that same, supernatural peace. 

After 30+ years' of warfare intercession, the assignment was over. The burden was lifted. I truly believe she is with Jesus.

I want to encourage those who feel like their prayers are getting nowhere. Before asking if there's any point in continuing to pray... this  war for one soul lasted many decades. But in  the end... God's will prevailed. Don't give up! If God gives you a burden, He has the answer! 🦋

Faith Hope Love

 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13.

This has been an unexpected season! I began the year with a renewed hope, and the word, "Fresh". As the weeks progressed, I found myself on a path, where I was asking, "Huh?" "How did I get here?", "WHY am I here again?" "I thought this path ended". "Why has life been so tough, contending for what others take for granted?" 

Throughout this season, of these I am sure: God knew. God knows. God has great plans for me.

I don't know what the rest of this year holds. All I know is I have faith. I am loved. I refuse to give up hope. 

During this season, God has lavished me with His love. I've always felt His love, but this year has brought a new, deeper level. I have friends who have held me up in prayer, and I have felt that supernatural covering so strongly. I'm travelling a familar, yet also unfamilar journey. Those who travelled with me in the past, remain in the past. God has orchestrated a new group of faith filled people (again, with some unexpectedly familar friends) to travel this current journey with me. Seriously, I did not see this coming, but I feel extremely blessed. It's another way of God showing me how much He loves me. 

The photo is of my new necklace. I love this necklace... I wear it to work, and when I see myself in the mirror, I am reminded of the faith of a mustard seed. Sometimes the simple things can bring the most joy. My faith, at times has felt like a mustard seed, but that is enough to move a mountain! So, with my mustard seed, and my friends' faith & prayer covering, I believe we will move this mountain. (Check out Faithbracelet.co They currently have a BOGO Sale!)

When I am asked how I'm going, I can honestly say that I feel peace, as if I'm sitting calmly in a dinghy, in the middle of a stormy ocean. I have  no oars, just my mustard seed. I don't understand why the waves are crashing so fiercely, I just understand that God loves me enough to give me peace....faith, hope, and so much love. 

If you are travelling this journey with me, I appreciate every single prayer and act of love. I am truly blessed to have you in my life right now. 🦋

Riding the Waves of Life

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 1 Peter 1:6 NIV

2023... What a year already! I was recently thinking about the last 5 or so years of my life, and realised it was a season of learning to ride the many waves that came my way! 

Small waves and big waves. Waves representing character growth, family situations, shock health diagnoses and 'young' deaths... Spiritual waves of adversity and realising some waves were caused by other people who should have known better ... Waves of navigating the covid season and lockdowns. So many waves! Sometimes you don't even realise you're in the water... Then a big wave hits! You either ride it or fall. It doesn't matter which way you go, as long as you keep going. 

I've been knocked down enough times to know the only option is to get back on the board. Falling is part of leaning and growing. The water doesn't harm you if you choose to keep getting back up. Each time you fall, you can get back up, stronger and more determined to ride the next wave. You can be better prepared, and wiser. Waves stop catching you off guard when you learn the signs. 

The last few years have turned me into a strong surfer, metaphorically. I've never actually tried to surf, physically. But spiritually, I surf a LOT. Personally, getting back up has required an attitude and heart of forgiveness. So many waves have come from unexpected sources, and tested my heart. 

I would say, the 2019-2022 season especially, was a season of becoming a stronger surfer. This season brought out the worst and the best in people. It exposed true colours and attitudes of the heart. I learned, if I was going to keep riding the waves, I needed to surf alone, or carefully select who I trusted to be in my circle. Too many people wanted to push me off my board, or stop me from moving forward. I couldn't pray with people if our attitudes and prayers were not in alignment. So I learned the boundaries of my own lane, and diligently stayed there. 

2022 brought waves of change. I rode many of those waves, until I realised I needed to start surfing in a different body of water. Where I'd felt alone & frustrated by the water I was in, the new body of water refreshed me and reignited my spark. I had outgrown the previous water. The waves of change carried me into a new season. 

My point is, life is full of waves. You can either use them to help you grow and overcome, or you can let the water envelope you and suck you under. The waves will come, big or small. The question is, Will you choose to surf or let life's challenges pull you down? 

I know I have faced many big waves, and at times, been briefly sucked under... But.. I choose to always pick myself back up. The big waves come, and now I meet them with new strength, wisdom and determination. The devil is a liar. There is ALWAYS a way back up/out/over/through. The waves are just a challenge for you to prove that. 

Trials will come, but God promises to stay with us and give us a reason to rejoice (1 Peter 1:6) and joy does come in the morning! (Psalm 30:5). 🦋

2023 - Change in the air

 Happy New Year! 

After a busy end to 2022, including getting sick before Christmas... and feeling extremely grateful to see my family for Christmas, the turn of the calendar page brought a sudden shift. 

On January 1st, Something in the air changed! 

I woke up feeling indifferent, then went to church. As soon as I entered that environment, my spirit quickened to a shift in the atmosphere. There was a new joy. People were happy - it felt as if the "Happiness Barometer" jumped a few new levels overnight! 

It felt as if God was up to something. Like all the challenges of 2022 were placed in a box, and He put the lid on top. Out with the old, in with the new. During the pre-service prayer time, there was an amazing sense of His presence, anticipation and expectation. I saw/sensed helium balloons all over the room, being popped. Breakthrough was beginning! It was almost overwhelming in the most beautiful way. 

I woke up feeling indifferent, and after church, my spirit was energised. Whatever this year holds, I am in anticipation of what God has planned for me, His church, corporately and individually. There is an old song -  "God is up to something good, something good, something good..."  The word I was given for this year is FRESH, and all Sunday, this word was confirmed. This is a fresh season. I am excited to see where He takes us this year! I can't remember the last time I felt excited by a new year. Each previous year, it has been about survival. Maintaining peace and hope amidst the storms and challenging times. 

How awesome it is to feel excited again! 🦋

2022 Reflections

Another year almost over. I remember last December, writing in expectation of a better year ahead. I anticipated a year of metaphorically needing to wear a seatbelt. My perceptions were right...I had no idea just how much of a rollercoaster 2022 would be! The Holy Spirit has been my "seatbelt" - my calm, security, protection, guide... So much has happened this year, but I am blessed to have stayed on the path set before me. There were many temptations to ignore my internal sense of direction. Situations, circumstances and attitudes...spiritual attacks against my peace, joy and hope. In the end, I am proud to say I listened to the Holy Spirit, that still, inner voice, and did not go where God did not send me, nor stay where His grace no longer covered me. 

One lesson I learned, was My side of the story does not need to be told. God has my back, and that is all that matters. That's not an easy lesson to embrace...so I am happy that I was able to "Let go and let God" in various circumstances. My biggest challenge was to have no regrets, and for the most part, I succeeded.

I did not at all anticipate moving on from the church family I had loved and served for 8 years. Earlier this year, God made it very clear that our season there was over. It was bittersweet - leaving friends who were like family, but also moving forward in unexpected ways. Obediently letting go of the known and embracing the unknown. 

For those who are wondering, we chose to leave quietly, with our pastors' blessing. We entered a new season at Planetshakers. It has been a refreshing change for us. A change we did not plan or expect, but God's plans are always the best, aren't they!

I continued with Jennifer Eivaz's Australian & New Zealand Prophetic Company. What an amazing group of people to know and experience life with! I'm excited to be attending the Seers and Dreamers Gathering in Sydney in the new year. I'm especially excited that I will finally meet in person some beautiful friends I've made through this online community.

2021 included many deaths of family and friends. I'd hoped 2022 would be different... But that was not the case. We lost clients to covid and others to covid-related circumstances. We lost more family members... and as the Commonwealth lost their 96 year old matriarch whom we felt would be with us forever, we lost our beloved 97 year old Nonna- whom we also felt would be with us forever. The worst part was Covid was her cause of death. This mighty, strong, Italian woman was overcome by a virus. I didn't get to visit her in the covid ward - I made plans to visit, but she passed away during the night before. I felt such an unusual sense of peace after her death. That was a huge encouragement to this intercessor who had invested countless hours in prayer for her. 

2022... Another year of holding on to unfulfilled promises. A year of trusting in the unknown. A year of change... of rest and growth. 

Another year of Covid-fatigue and uncomfortable PPE. I won't go into this - just know healthcare workers still have to work under strict Covid guidelines and regulations. Covid is real. We're still tired. 2022 added the dimensions of tragic loss & grief into my workplace.

Much more has happened on this rollercoaster of 2022. This year brought much change, but also many blessings. It was a year of changing my foundations while remaining grounded. It was a challenging year. I choose to focus on the happy moments, and look forward to seeing where this path continues into 2023, with a personal theme word: FRESH. 

Happy New Year! 🦋

(The photo is of our feijoa tree 😀).

The "Golden Rule"

 I've been pondering this topic for some time... the Golden Rule - "Treat others the way you want to be treated". 

It sounds simple enough... treat others with kindness and respect. If you don't want it done to you, don't do it to others. However...in this current season, this has been quite a challenge! An assignment of sorts.

So, for me personally, the Golden Rule during the last few years has been re-phrased to, "Treat others the way you want to be treated, not the way they treat you!".  

Seriously, this has been a tough season! Dodging so many "fiery arrows" (Ephesians 6:16). They've come from unexpected sources, and been the drive to be on guard and maintain a heart of forgiveness. That sounds easy, right? Forgiveness is not too hard when it's a one-time offense...but when you find yourself repeatedly forgiving the same offense from the same source/s, it becomes tiring... and you find yourself relying on God's grace to help you maintain a clean heart. Because it's much easier to have an unclean heart. My prayer, as previously mentioned, has been to maintain a clean heart (Psalm 51:10). Forgiving others may not change them, but it keeps my heart clean. We can't pray for others if we have offense in our heart towards them. Forgiveness is a choice. Even if we don't feel it, our decision to maintain a forgiving heart will eventually bring the feelings. 

Part of my challenge is to accept that my side of the story doesn't need to be told. My story is just as valid, but God is the only validation I need. In the end, God knows all, and He is above all. My challenge is to maintain a peaceful and clean heart, because we do not fight against flesh and blood. The battle is the Lord's. (Ephesians 6:12). I want no regrets. I just want to please my Father in heaven. 

I hope this encourages somebody. 🦋 

Look past the obstacles

 This morning, as I was waiting to cross the road, I looked to my left, to this construction site. The road currently leads nowhere. My first thought was, "Who builds these paths that flood so easily!" 

Then God interrupted, saying, "But you can cross that road, can't you? If you wanted to get to the other side, you would find a way". Then He reminded me that sometimes this is how the enemy works. He places roadblocks in our paths. It looks difficult to cross, but when you discern these roadblocks, nothing stops you from crossing! When you are on the right path, you will find obstacles popping up, trying to slow you down, or stop you from crossing, altogether. The water may wet your shoes, but it can't stop you from crossing, unless you give it that power.

"Small minded" people will see that water, and walk the other way. They will miss the blessing of pushing through. Not those who are secure in their God-given authority. These are the warriors who will walk through (or leap over!) that water, and then walk around the obstacles...they are undefeated by the enemy's tactics. When the path is clear, obstacles just become challenges to overcome. 

Let's not be "small minded". Let's choose to always look beyond the challenges of life, and find a way. When you face an obstacle, take God's hand and allow Him to guide you through. There will always be a way! 🦋

Blessings everywhere!

This morning while in church, God gave me the sudden realisation that even though I've been feeling in the middle of a slow whirlwind, surviving, coping, choosing joy, standing... SO MANY good things have been happening too. I was reminded of the bible verse, Amos 9:13: 

“Things are going to happen so fast your head will swim, one thing fast on the heels of the other. You won’t be able to keep up. Everything will be happening at once—and everywhere you look, blessings! Blessings like wine pouring off the mountains and hills..." Amos 9:13 MSG. (Emphasis mine).

People have been prophesying this during the year, but I didn't realise this new season has brought this kind of action to my life! 

I didn't relate to not being able to keep up. Suddenly, things are changing, happening, moving! We have moved. We didn't expect, or plan this new season to begin in a new church family. However, this one act of obedience triggered the beginning of the breakthroughs. Things are happening fast! The whirlwind is receding. New joys are coming, my heart is refreshed. Warfare has picked up, but that makes sense! We are in a joyful, new season. 

I also had a dream last night that really surprised me! Previously, I've talked about doors to friendships that God has locked. I still trust Him with the keys. I dreamed that one door is no longer locked. I'll be honest, the door was locked about 20 years ago, and I was led into an inner healing journey- which changed my life in amazing ways. But that door needed to be locked. I learned about soul ties. The person on the other side did try to initiate communication various times, and my mentors in their wise, motherly wisdom, strongly reminded me the door needed to stay closed. It was tough. That person would not know how hard it was for me to not engage, to not open the door even just a crack... it took strength & courage to trust God with that door. They probably thought I was heartless & uncaring, which is hard not to be able to defend. The truth is, I did care- which was why it was initially so hard to trust the door to stay locked. Yes, that person deeply hurt me, but I forgave them long ago. I won't go out of my way to open the door, but knowing it is no longer locked is a strange feeling. I did not see this coming! 

My heart is in anticipation for what is coming. Doors have closed, but new doors have opened! 2022 has not been the year we expected, but now we are running with this new season of blessings! 🦋

Changing seasons

Sometimes in life, you find yourself in a place that doesn't really make sense... everything leading up to that point was good, yet you find yourself at the end of a path you didn't see coming. 

It's like you were walking along a mountain path, faithfully following that path up/around the mountain. Suddenly you find yourself on a platform. The path has ended and it's time to stop and look at the view- how far you have walked along this path. Who you travelled with, who is still travelling with you... Then you look up and ask, "Where do I go now? I thought there was much more of this path to travel? What about the promises and opportunities?" 

The clear answer is, "You have walked as far as I had intended for you. It's time to rest before I reveal the new path. The promises were never for THIS path. The journey was necessary, but the promises are for the next season. You couldn't travel this new season without first travelling the path that has now ended".

It's a new season. The path was amazing, yet had an expiry point. There is no joy in remaining in a season, or on a path you no longer have the grace for. Life is full of surprises. There comes a time where staying in a comfort zone brings little comfort. You need to move on. Let go of your expectations of that season and travel the new path in faith. 

Facing a new season can be daunting, but your heart knows it's time. In order to enjoy the future, you must let go of the past. 🦋

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland". ~Isaiah 43:19 NIV

It doesn't matter HOW, just FINISH

As it appears to be Fun Run season for Melbourne schools, I was reminded of one very significant Fun Run in which I 'participated'. I was 11, had broken my wrist and was firmly told that a plaster cast was no excuse to not participate! (Can't say I didn't try! LOL!) Running has never been fun for me, but I was generally an obedient child. So...I began that "fun" run with all the other kids in my small, country school. I chose to walk.

I reached the halfway point, on that dusty, country road. After greeting the parent supervising, I decided to stay with her until the end of the race, and walk back with her. We chatted as we watched the other kids pass.

I don't recall how the other

kids proceeded. The biggest fact I remember, was I was the last person in the whole school (about 60-80 kids) to finish the course...and I was awarded FIRST PLACE for girls in my year level. I discovered that none of the other girls actually finished the course! I experienced a mix of feelings...shock, disappointment, disbelief, joy... The thought of not completing the course never crossed my mind! 

What's the point of this story? It doesn't matter how quickly you finish a course - just finish. When you have a goal, don't worry about how quicky others reach the same goal. You have your own race to run in life. Stay in your lane, don't compare with others, and don't give up. Take one step at a time, take breaks when you need them, and enjoy the journey. In the end, all that matters is that you FINISHED the course. You may have different skills and methods to complete a task, just complete it. Like 11 year old me, you may receive a big surprise when you reach that finish line! 🦋

 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.               ~ 2 Timothy 4:7

Bridges of Relationships

I'm sure many who are reading this have been feeling the effects of the transitional season we are in. Things are different. There is a sense of both loss and new beginnings. What I am personally experiencing, is a realignment, even shifting of relationships.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens... Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV).

I can't say it is necessarily a nice, or enjoyable experience, but in the big picture, I trust it is good. 

I have been thinking about BRIDGES regarding relationships. People often say things like, "Build bridges, don't burn them", "Be careful not to burn that bridge!" or even, "How can we rebuild this bridge?" 

Many bridges of communication or connection are burned through, among other things,  hurt, unforgiveness, misunderstandings, or simply dislike. It is so easy to burn a bridge, and much harder to rebuild, once burned. My constant prayer has been to maintain a clean, forgiving heart with no regrets.  My challenge is to actively maintain bridges of communication, even if the other party does not reciprocate. "Why?", you may ask... Because I don't want any regrets, or any hints of unforgiveness in my heart.

Although I actively choose to maintain bridges, there are some bridges in my heart that remain closed. I did not burn those bridges, nor did I close them. In order to protect my heart and help me heal from traumas, God placed a locked gate on my end of those bridges. I hold NO unforgiveness in my heart towards these people (the locked gates helped me work towards this), but God placed a lock on those gates, and I trust Him fully to maintain those gates. One day He may unlock the gates, but that is out of my hands. He holds the key. I have no intention of trying to unlock those gates myself.

Currently, I find myself in the middle of relationship changes. I don't know what caused the changes, but I do know the bridges are vulnerable. So, I have accepted that communication may possibly cease from the other end, but I have no intention of closing off my end of the bridge. Of course, this will involve continued forgiveness, and not treating others the way they treat me... but I've been travelling this mental/emotional path for some time now...so I guess I can say this bumpy path has only made me stronger and wiser. Of course it saddens me when communication breaks down, but sometimes it's best to let things go. So, I'm letting go. If I can't bring these relationships into my future, then I'm not going to waste my time and energy on something I have no control over. 

Some bridges have an Expiry, or Best Before date. Personally, I feel some bridges have reached their Best Before date, so naturally they won't be as good as they originally were. The lesson here is, as Ecclesiastes says, "There is a time for everything". That sometimes you need to simply take a 'stocktake' of your life and keep moving forward. This may involve leaving things behind that can't, or won't travel with you into the future. And that's okay. We don't need to know what the future holds. Just what is our responsibility and what isn't. So I choose to keep moving. Accept my losses, forgive those who hurt me- intentionally and unintentionally - and keep walking forward, not looking back.

If you are reading this, it's likely our bridge is ok. 

If you don't know me, my prayer is that my words encourage you.

If you are one of those who has hit my locked gates, I want you to know you are 100% forgiven. I won't open those gates, but if God ever does, I will be on the other side.  

This is a new season. Time to let go of the old and embrace the new. To fix our eyes on what is good for our souls. To follow God's will for our lives, and not compare. We all have a purpose and calling. Let's embrace this, and cheer each other on!🦋

Exiting the Cocoon

Many people have been wondering where I've been, and if I'm ok. 

I am great, and haven't gone away.

I have been in a short season of rest. I had been living and breathing in an heightened  warfare mode for so long, I didn't realise just how intense the battle was - until I was called out.

Suddenly, God took me out of the battle and said, "It's time to rest". 

So that's where I've been. In a new cocoon. There is always warfare, but not every battle needs to be fought. 

I have loved this cocoon, but the purpose of a cocoon is to prepare. You can't stay in a cocoon and expect to become a butterfly! So, I have been in preparation of a new season. My wings have been strengthened and expanded. I don't know what this season will bring, but I know I am not the same person who went into the cocoon. 

If God didn't call me out of the battle, I would still be in it. It was my normal. I would have obediently continued fighting. But now I have been on the sidelines, I know there is a new battle. To everything there is a season (Ecclesiastes 3). 

I'm grateful for this cocoon season, but now my heart knows it's time to push out and spread my wings again.

I don't know what this new year holds... I have expectations, but ultimately I am in the hands of my creator. If He is not in it, I don't want it. I look forward to seeing where He sends these new wings. 🦋

God's Freight Train of Love

Have you ever felt like you've been hit by a freight train of God's love?

That's how I've been feeling the last few days...overwhelmed... peaceful... hopeful... greatly encouraged.

Life has not been easy, but I live in expectation that things won't stay the way they are, or the way they have been.

God has used strangers to speak into the deepest places of my heart. I've been quietly asking Him to confirm His promises through others... because I have been holding on to these promises for such a long time... You begin to question if you really did hear His voice, or if it's just wishful thinking. 

Then He lovingly crashed into my heart like a freight train! He undid me... He answered my prayer in the most unexpected, encouraging way. He went above and beyond my expectations. 

Before anybody said anything, He showed me something in a familiar picture I had never paid attention to, but suddenly became so meaningful. A path. A long path. One that 2 of us have been walking along, together. God showed me that we have come a looooong way together. The future is closer than it has ever been. The path does end. When, I don't know. But the time to hope and find that joy has come. Change is coming. Dreams will be fulfilled. Promises will come to pass.

Don't be afraid to ask God anything... He knows your deepest, unspoken desires, hopes, dreams, fears and hurts. He only wants the best for us. 

I pray He hits you with his freight train of love! You won't be the same 💜🦋

God is bigger than a label - fertility journey

I hate the term "unexplained infertility" - because it sounds like a statement imposed on you...like somebody has stapled that label to your soul... I refuse to own that label. Because my faith in God brings hope to my soul. Labels only stick if you accept them. I respect my various medical practitioners knowledge and experience, but my faith is bigger than their knowledge.

The fertility journey is not an easy one. If you don't have a thick skin before you find yourself on this journey, you either grow one, or live a miserable life. So many people choose to accept the label imposed on them, so instead of choosing to be positive, they fall into what Anne of Green Gables refers to as, "the depths of despair". Happiness is a choice. Along this journey of living with a deep desire to be parents, are many, many, many challenges and unexpected roadblocks or detours. It either draws you closer as a couple, or you get stuck in the depths of despair...hopeless...jealous...angry at the world...and possibly each other.

This journey requires grace and forgiveness. If you don't have a thick skin, other peoples' comments, despite how genuinely caring they are, can stir up anger. There is no escape from the insensitive comments or unsolicited advice. Fact is, these people care about us, otherwise they would not try to be helpful - even when they are often the opposite. They don't understand. They don't intend to be hurtful. If you don't learn to be graceful and forgive, you could be a very bitter person.

Here are some of the most common, unhelpful comments received by those on this journey:
"Are you doing it right?" or  "Are you ovulating?" or "Are you doing it at the right times?"
"Don't you want kids?"
"Stop worrying"
"Just relax and it will happen"
"You better get a hurry on, you're not getting younger!"
"You can't possibly be as tired as me" (a new mother to somebody quietly pushing through chronic fatigue!)

This is where my imagination takes me to the movie, "Madagascar". Those penguins are often in my head when I hear something I don't like... "Smile and wave boys, smile and wave". Because, unfortunately, this is so relevant. In my case, it's more like "Smile and walk away [gracefully]". Needless to say, those penguins put a smile on my face, even if the triggering comment doesn't.

I have always been that person who looks for the silver lining in everything. I've been through various traumas in my life. I've had good reasons to question my faith and even walk away from God... but instead of that, I grew closer to Him. Where many others have walked away, I found myself even more deeply grounded in my faith.

The difference with fertility, compared to the other traumas of life...is I have no control over the outcome. Through other traumas I have found ways to cope and move forward. I have healed. This one requires 100% faith. Faith that for whatever reason it is taking so long...the promise is still there. Faith that encourages you to keep walking, even if you can't see where the path is going. Faith that there is always a purpose in our suffering. Faith that, no matter what, our marriage is strong, and our love will not decrease because we are not yet parents. Faith that we will always have each others' backs. Faith that God fulfils his promises. Faith that we will always have everything we need.

I am an optimist. I am also human. Imperfect. I've been tempted to enter the depths of despair. This journey forces you to face emotions, including grief, anger, jealousy... To question, "Why me?" or "Why them?" or "How is that fair?" Once I was in a shopping centre, and a mother interacted with her child in such an abusive manner, my heart wanted to grab the child and rescue her from her ungrateful mother. It broke my heart to witness such abuse that appeared 'normal' to that family. Naturally, my heart was crying, "Why does she have children and not me??"

Almost daily, I see posts on apps or social media from people deep in the depths of despair. They are angry, jealous, desperate... To be honest, I don't read most of them. As soon as I sense any kind of negativity, I move on. I'm not interested in hearing their negatives. However, when I see fellow Christian ladies writing that they are struggling at the doorstep to the depths of despair... I read them. Because any person on this journey would be lying if they said they never felt angry, jealous or sad. For some ladies, each month turns into a cycle of grief: Denial - anger - bargaining - depression - acceptance. Not for me. I think I've just come to the point of acceptance. Acceptance, that every month added to this journey, is a month closer to the end promise. Yes, every month is hopeful...but I don't take tests or get excited or anxious. I just wait. Wait to see what my body does. Hope for a different response... and feel sad when the same thing happens... but move on. When you've travelled this journey as long as 6-7 years (Yes, I lost count! While many ladies can tell you how many days or years including weeks, I can't even remember the start!), you kinda just keep moving. Keep living. Keep trying. Never giving up.

While many couples are investing in their families, so are we! Many don't understand just how much a childless couple invests into their future family...financially, emotionally, physically... we don't go on holidays because the money we would save towards that, is money invested into health/fertility treatments. We've been through countless blood tests, invasive medical treatments and tests (eg, HSG), taken medications that turn our emotions upside down (eg, Clomid), sometimes surgery (I had a myomectomy in 2015), and sat through many conversations in specialists and doctors offices. It's not fun! But we would do it all again if we had to. Currently, I am invested in natural therapies. We have no current interest in medical interventions such as IVF. We support those who do go through it, but don't feel drawn to that path. The things you learn about the human body, on this journey! I would gladly be ignorant and have children in my arms, than have the knowledge I have...but as I am not currently holding my children, I am grateful for the knowledge.

One thing I wish others would understand is, it's not personal. One unexpected pregnancy/birth announcement can tip us off balance, emotionally, but add 2 or 3 to that, and we find ourselves just trying to stand, emotionally. It's not that we don't care, or aren't happy for the parents/parents to be. It's just hard to focus on that news and not feel sad that it's not us. It's another reminder of what we do not yet have. We have many friends who have not only started their families during the time we've been trying, but also completed their families. 2-4 children in the same time we still have none. Don't get me wrong, we are happy for the couples. We just need a little time to process. If you see a "Like" or happy emoticon on a social media post, please know that small gesture took a lot more than a quick thought. It is a piece of our heart. If you don't see a comment, please know it's not due to lack of care. Sometimes the "Like" is all our heart can offer at that time. But please also understand that small piece of our heart, is full of love and happiness for you.

So....as another year comes towards a close, and another almost completed year added to this journey, I am still hopeful. As with last year, and the years before that... I will enter the new year with the hope that this time next year will be different... and faith that if it isn't... my heart will be ok.

Christmas 2017

Merry Christmas from sunny Melbourne! Where the only sign of snow is on tv shows...
While most homes were filled with joy & laughter, of excited children rushing out of bed to see what's under the tree... my home is quiet. The sounds of birds chirping outside, and tv occasionally break the silence.

I haven't blogged about this before... but this is how we've rolled for 9 years... just the 2 of us. The first part of those 9 years was ok. We weren't really bothered by the quietness... but this is our 4th Christmas, wondering if it will be last one with just the 2 of us... because the quietness of our home is not our choice. While we are surrounded by friends & family with children...we are left wondering when our turn will come... the journey we've been travelling these last 4 years is not one for the weak... and there are so many others, silently travelling on this same journey... So. Many.

So, again I ask if this is the last one... and place my trust in my creator... who has given us a promise... but not a time.

If you're a fellow traveller on the unexplained infertility journey, know you're not alone. We'll keep pushing on. Maybe this time next year will be different... only God knows...