It's funny how you can stop doing something ONCE, with every intention of returning...and then a second time you don't do it, for a good reason...and the 3rd or 4th time in a row you don't do it...next time, you CAN'T do it...
I had every intention of doing something, and I was getting ready to do it...but I just couldn't... I had been feeling neutral about it all day, and right when I was getting ready, I heard that still, small voice... saying I didn't need to do it... and my intellectual side was confused by that...so I asked for clear confirmation.
Well...as I was reaching the point where I needed to make the decision or run out of time...I began feeling sick and anxious...and clammy... this has never happened to me...at least not for something I thought was good... the more I thought about doing this thing, the more sick I felt...until I just said, "Ok, I'm not doing it!"
In the past I would have felt compelled to do this thing, and guilty if I didn't want to do it. But not in this current season. It is a strange feeling knowing that something that used to be a big part of your life...is not so important in this season... not that it isn't important! Just not for me... for now...
I had every intention of doing something, and I was getting ready to do it...but I just couldn't... I had been feeling neutral about it all day, and right when I was getting ready, I heard that still, small voice... saying I didn't need to do it... and my intellectual side was confused by that...so I asked for clear confirmation.
Well...as I was reaching the point where I needed to make the decision or run out of time...I began feeling sick and anxious...and clammy... this has never happened to me...at least not for something I thought was good... the more I thought about doing this thing, the more sick I felt...until I just said, "Ok, I'm not doing it!"
In the past I would have felt compelled to do this thing, and guilty if I didn't want to do it. But not in this current season. It is a strange feeling knowing that something that used to be a big part of your life...is not so important in this season... not that it isn't important! Just not for me... for now...
1 comment:
At the time of writing this, I did not feel free to say what the "thing" was. Now I can say it was a prayer meeting. A regular prayer meeting that I had been attending for a few years. I was shocked but also delighted by the possibility of not going. I had been seeing "pink elephants" for a long while, and I felt I no longer belonged in that group, but I continued to go out of a sense of duty.
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